(I wrote this two weeks ago and apparently never posted so I’m putting it up in it’s entirety now, sans edits.)
I, like everyone else, am still processing this whole Donald Trump presidency thing.
I woke up the day after the election with a pit in my stomach, knowing that the small sliver of hope I’d gone to bed with had disappeared in the night, probably around the same time of Trump’s acceptance speech.
I woke up thinking “I’m glad I voted in Michigan because it clearly needed my vote, but MICHIGAN WHY DID YOU DO THIS!”
I’m scared for my rights as a woman. I hope dearly that Roe v. Wade won’t be overturned. But this is one of those situations where I have to “check my privilege,” even though I feel dumb saying that phrase. I’m white. I am a US Citizen and that will never be taken away from me. Based on how my life is going, I’ll likely always have access to healthcare (knock on wood). Many people aren’t that fortunate. I want to help. I don’t know how. I hope that soon, I’ll learn how.
I’m mad at myself for not knocking on doors and phone banking for Hillary. I’m mad at all the democrats who didn’t vote for her because they “didn’t like her,” all the misogynists out there who say they aren’t misogynists. I’m mad at the people who didn’t vote because they “didn’t care.” But somehow I can’t be mad at the people who voted for Trump who really just believed in him (for some fucking reason). We say it’s our civic duty to vote, our right. We should vote for what we believe in. Some people believed in Donald Trump–I completely disagree and I wish everyone thought like I did, but that’s just not the case in this country right now. I can’t vilify people for voting for what they thought was right–because that’s exactly what I did. I can still be pissed, though.
Oh yeah, and I’m mad at all the dang people who said Bernie Sanders woulda won. WE DON’T HAVE A FREAKING CLUE.
Here comes the more complicated part. I would say my mostly democratic Facebook feed is divided: between people who are fucking angry and who are going to stay that way, protest, never call him their president, etc. Then you have the people who, like Obama, say America is strong, we can’t turn our back on our country, we need to move on and try our best and give him a chance.
I might be both? I think Donald Trump has said and done horrible things and I think he’ll probably do them in office. Just because he hasn’t built a wall YET doesn’t mean he will. Just because Sarah Palin is on the short list for a cabinet position doesn’t mean she’s been appointed YET. I guess the jury in my mind is still out. I don’t want to give him a chance, per se, but I do want to believe that he’ll try to unite this divided America. I don’t think he’s the man for the job, but JESUS if we elected someone who has half the country (well, maybe more than half, I’m terrible at numbers) who hates him, I HOPE he’ll have some sort of Ebenezer Scrooge moment and think, wow, maybe I’ll try to get all these people who hate me, to like me.
There’s a quote my dad always says to me which I haven’t been able to find online, but I’ll paraphrase: it takes only a second to forgive, but it takes every second of every minute of every day to hold a grudge.
Forgiving doesn’t always mean forgetting, as we all know. And I don’t ever want to forgive Donald Trump for the things he said. I don’t want to ignore it either. But yet, I don’t want to spend all my energy hating him. I think my energy would be better spent doing good.
I could be wrong. But I’ll go ahead and like the angry people’s Facebook statuses and the optimistic people’s Facebook statuses all the same. The only people’s posts who I won’t like are those trying to preach tolerance to all their Tump-hating democratic friends, because after all, America did elect a racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic, intolerant president. I just hope he can put that aside to lead the damn country.
And for now, I’m still going to be angry and upset. It’s the least us women can do, since we’re so fucked up emotionally and all that.
This is really just a post for me, so I can look back and see if I disagree with myself later, but it always feels good to get the words out.